I'm not crazy, just a little impaired...

I realized a couple of days ago that I am the only one that can control what happens in my life and the things that I worry about until I am at the point of exhaustion. Yes, I am affected by the happenings in other's lives, but how I react to those happenings is totallly up to me.

I had to leave the house on Monday while they oxidized our house because of the fire and so I decided to spend the day at my house in town. It's the house that my daughter lived in for the past several months. All of her stuff was there except her clothes. I sort of felt like she was just at work or on a short vacation. The more time that I spent there the more I realized that I miss her like crazy. She's off on a new adventure of her own and I'm proud of her for taking that risk, but I sure got used to her being around. Even if I didn't see her or talk to her for several days, the knowledge that she was just a few miles away was so reassuring. I had the option to check on her and make sure that she was ok. I worry about all of my children, but the relationship that I have with her is by far, the most powerful relationship I have with any of my children, including the one that still lives at home.

She and I have been through a lot together and I've always felt that I needed to be there to pick her up and dust her off or rescue her from anything that might go wrong in her life. But I know that if I continue doing that she will never be completely on her own. I have to let go and let God. So, as of today, she is on her own to make her own choices without me thinking that I need to respond or control. I know that my opinion means something to her but I'm going to try and refrain from trying to make everything ok unless she asks and hopefully, she will feel free to ask. I'm going to stop trying to take responsibility for everything that happens to her, good or bad.

She is an awesome young women. Smart, funny, gorgeous, kind, caring, patient and grown up. She has her issues just like the rest of us, but she has shown that she has the ability to grow past those issues and make good choices for her life. I just need to trust her to do that. God grant me the ability to let her live her life in her way, on her terms. Amen.

Am I a blogger?

I'm not entirely sure if I really am a blogger, but I'll give it a shot. My daughter recently started a blog and I hope she keeps it updated because I really enjoy her writing. She writes like my Mom, with a sense of humor. It's fun to read. I've read many blogs over the past couple of years and I really don't care to know that someone is out of diapers, tampons or about the gook that got cleaned out of the bathroom drain. So I don't think that's what I blog about, but I'm not sure how entertaining I'll be.



Today was a good day. Except that Madison got sick at school and I had to go to town to pick her up. When we got home, Joe had brought Hoyt home with him for lunch. He's growing up so fast and getting really husky. We realized that he was running around after lunch with his jeans unbuttoned and when Joe tried to help him button them, he found that they were extremely snug. I asked him what size jeans he wore and he said "Um, you have to ask my Mom." Later we asked him another random question and he replied again, "Um, you have to ask my Mom." If we asked him a question that took some thought, he would just reply, "Um, you have to ask my Mom." Too cute.



In the last couple of days I have discovered some new plug-ins for Photoshop and am really excited to see how they work. The problem is that I'll have to learn how to use them. Ugh. I wish I wasn't so computer and photography illiterate. I've been trying to organize my photos better and started using Photoshop Lightroom 2 and love it. I'm almost halfway through 2009. I don't even want to think how long it will take me to completely organize all the pictures I've taken over the years. They don't call me "The Kodak Mom" for nothin. Once in a while maybe I'll post a picture or two that I've retouched, enhanced, etc.



Well, I'm going to call it a night. Life on the farm today was easy. It rained a little bit tonight and it smells so good. I love it out here.



Good night.